Good bye swamp butt

Cleaning yourself solely with toilet paper is actually a preposterous idea. Let’s say you go out to the backyard to plant something and get mud all over your hands. Would you wipe your hands with a dry paper towel and consider yourself clean … Continue reading

Don’t be an ice-less chump

Don’t be an ice-less chump next time someone comes over for dinner or drinks. Relying on the weak, inferior-quality crescent shaped ice from the refrigerator is a chump move. That ice is sad and poor because it is full of … Continue reading

No more snoring

Stop waking up the dead every night. You can now prevent divorce and finally get a full night’s sleep. The good morning snore solution stops snoring by gently holding your tongue forward. Snoring prevents getting the restorative benefits of deep sleep … Continue reading

Carnival toss game

We all dream of decking a clown in the mouth with a bean bag, right? Well now you can with your very own Carnival Toss Game! It’s not just for kids, adults can also have a great time with this … Continue reading

Your friendly, neighborhood fire thrower

Shooting silk from your wrists? Pfff what are you – a fashion designer?? How about shooting friggin FIRE?! Now that’s bad ass! Be like Spiderman but the dark, demented, fire-throwing Spiderman with the Pyro Mini Fireshooter.   This amazing device lets you … Continue reading

Fun with road rage

Leave your car at home and make your way through downtown’s maddening maze of one-way mayhem in Men’s Heelys! You’ll look super cool wearing these bad boys as you zoom passed gridlocked cars, maneuver around panhandlers, and jump over the piles of … Continue reading

Crack cocaine with straps

Leave the meth, cocaine, and psychedelics at home! There’s no need when your BACKPACK BRINGS THE PARTY! ARE YOU FUN, EXCITING, ENERGETIC?? A NON-STOP PARTY, THRILL-MAGNETIC, EXUBERANT PERSON?? Weekends are not the only designated days for partying fun. Now you can … Continue reading

Do they speak English in LITERALLY?

Aren’t you tired of all of the frivolous “LITERALLIES” going around these days? I literally exploded!  My dog is literally the devil!  Are you literally going to eat all that??  Teach these dropouts how to speak proper English without having … Continue reading

Let your feet do the talking

You’ve always wanted to let your feet do the talking, and now you can! The “F**k Off” socks by Fenta let you share your feelings without uttering a word. Made of “Sweat absorption and breathable fabric,” they allow you to … Continue reading

Rub away odors with steel

Have you been playing with the garlic lotion again? Need to get that stank off of you? Nothing will remove the nastiness! That’s what you thought until now. Rub-a-Way Bar Stainless Steel Odor Absorber It’s a stainless steel bar of soap … Continue reading

Eat like the rich and famous

No more standing outside of a McDonalds staring at the patrons eating their delicious breakfast sandwiches in hopes that they will share. You are better than that! (maybe) Now, you can make your very own breakfast sandwich with the Hamilton … Continue reading

Lay down on a pizza

Nothing better than laying on a delicious, hot, cheesy pizza at the beach. Only problem is that even an extra large pizza might not be big enough for your entire body and laying down in hot, oily cheese is probably … Continue reading

Gift a box of burgers

Is it a friend’s birthday? Someone getting married? Anniversary? Then you need a gift. Enough with the ties! Quit it with the pajamas! Another vibrator?! Stop gifting the same stuff everyone else gives. Stand out from the crowd and give … Continue reading

Music through your skull Don’t you hate getting run over by construction trucks or getting crushed by falling pianos because you couldn’t hear the warning shouts of onlookers? These “bone conduction technology” earphones allow you to hear the world whilst listening to your … Continue reading

Forget cooking at home

Tired of cooking in your boring, old, messy, dusty, bug-ridden, poorly-designed, stucco’d, home full of roaches, spiderwebs, and old people smell? I SURE AM, but enough about me. YOU can take your kitchen outside, wherever you go and use the … Continue reading